It’s been a long time since I’ve, well, been here.
I haven’t really spent a decent amount of time on the grid lately, partly because RL circumstances have changed. I mainly logged in for the Arcade, and then here recently spending money to get rares I was desperate for but which I won’t get to use until I have more spare change.
Oh well. Life is a gamble I guess. Unfair, at best.
But I am now in a place where free time is almost non existent and the shadows I call anxiety and depression have reared their ugly heads again. I am a full time retail clerk and a part time shadow.
I want to be a full time artist so badly it hurts, but I possess neither the time nor the confidence to make such a move happen. Immigration paperwork for the future husband is slow going, and when I am not spending 8-10 hours of my day being belittled and bullied by the manager of my workplace, I am at home, curled up in bed, wondering if the money is the worth the struggle.
I like money though. Who doesn’t?
Either way, I crave a lot of things in my first life that I also crave in my second. Like, a home. A living. Close friends. The feeling of creativity burning on my fingertips and creating something so lively and beautiful that in that particular moment, I don’t need anything else.
I am constantly reminded that happiness is a luxury, not a right…
…and I am very unhappy indeed.